Potato Responses
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Fugitive Potato Seeks Refuge In Dumpster
This is an 8×10 original sketch of a potato who has climbed into a refuse compartment to elude encroaching authorities.
As the spud crouches amongst the garbage, it is unclear why the cops are in pursuit. But one thing is certain- the police won’t rest until their starchy suspect is behind bars.
Will sign upon request.
The Fugitive Potato Post
#1: Forestalling The Robot War
SUBJECT: Fugitive Potato Seeks Refuge In Dumpster
you’re too funny!!! I would love a signed copy and you better not say we will meet behind a dumpster……….
MY REPLY:
I am unsure of why I am “funny” per se, but I will graciously accept your compliment and stow it in my front breast pocket for easy access in case I get hungry later.
You have earned my sketch by responding with such skillful speed, I am not convinced you are not a robot. And yet, even automatons must be free to acquire and purvey art, without prejudice from narrow-minded humans who contend that our species is the only one capable of appreciating beauty.
You, my little bot, have proved all those glorified monkeys wrong, and I am proud to support the cultural edification of our geared-up guys and gals.
May my potato sketch represent an olive branch that brings man and machine one step towards peace, or at the very least stave off the inevitable robot uprising a couple days so I can finish House of Cards.
#2: The KKKritic
SUBJECT: Fugitive Potato Seeks Refuge In Dumpster
It fucking sucks!!
KKK
MY REPLY:
Thank you for such a passionate response to my work!
It is deeply satisfying, on both emotional and physical levels, to know I have an audience so engaged, so invigorated by my potato drawing.
Based on your email, I think it’s safe to say you weren’t a fan? If not, have you studied the work to the extent necessary to provide constructive criticism? I would love to hear where my sketch fell short in your esteem. Was there anything particular that brought down your opinion of the piece, or was the entire composition was just completely devoid of merit?
Did you find that the title was misleading, in that you expected to see an actual fugitive potato seeking refuge in a dumpster?
I also couldn’t help but notice that your initials have a similarity to a group of white supremacists, which I neglected to represent in the drawing. In fairness, I left out a lot of other groups, too, including nazi sympathizers, black panthers, and furries.
Again, I appreciate your candor and look forward to any thoughtful suggestions on ways I can improve my craft. All artists should be so lucky to have someone cut the “crud”, so to speak, and give us their real opinion.
I am proud to consider you a fan.
I thought it lacked symmetry.There are three types of symmetry: reflection , rotational , and translational symmetry. Each can be used in design to create strong points of interest and visual stability.If you would add this to your drawings it would help a lot. But overall I think you are an excellent creative individual best of luck in your endeavor to perfect your art!:)
KKK
I took your reflection and rotation advice, which translated into much better symmetry. Really happy with how it turned out!
Would you mind if I sent other sketches I’m working on your way before offering them on Craigslist?
Look! It even has two smiley faces in the middle!
Click to see -->
[Follow-Up Email]
KKK,
For your help with my sketch, please accept this 8×10 printable gift as a token of my appreciation.
Click to see -->
Thank you
KKK
I’ve found someone who conveys sound compositional principles with expletives and excessive vitriol.
I should be thanking you.
#5: Very Punny
SUBJECT: Fugitive Potato Seeks Refuge In Dumpster
A request for signature.
I will look for a frame.
No pun intended.
MY REPLY:
So insensitive to the plight of potatoes. You know what you are, [name redacted]?
You are incorrigible, that’s what you are.…I like it!
Unfortunately for both of us, the sketch may not be ending up in the house that deserves it the most. You gotta step up that typing speed, [name redacted]!
In the meantime, for your excellent taste in art, and your awful taste in puns, I am sending you a printable 8×10 digital copy.
The Email Responses
#3: Don't Type Hungry
SUBJECT: Fugitive Potato Seeks Refuge In Dumpster
That picture is destined to be a great work of art and I totally love the back story! Very entertaining!
MY REPLY:
I bet your soul would taste delicious, you’re so sweet.
Thank you for your message of encouragement and appreciation for my work!
As a consequence for your kindness, I am attaching a digital copy of the piece, printable up to 8×10.
Also, sorry about that whole “eating your soul” thing. Really should’ve eaten a snack before I wrote this.
#4: Conspiracy Theories
SUBJECT: Fugitive Potato Seeks Refuge In Dumpster
It’s clear the police are working for someone…but who?
Ronald?
He’d send the Hamburglar and his army of goons to do the job, not the police.
Jack?
His fries are crispy, but don’t have a strong flavor. An old salty spud like Chip wouldn’t fit his flavor profile.
The King?
He’s too busy preparing to unveil his “Whopper for over a dollar” assault on the fast food world. Potatoes are not his interest.
The car passes and Chip settles into his temporary steel refuge, plotting his escape from the city and further south, where potatoes are less and less the starch of choice, where he might have a shot at his unlikely dream of finally becoming a professional fisherman…
MY REPLY:
A provocative response, to be sure.
I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations, of course, any more than that potato can wish away the All-Points Bulletin for his tiny tater head.
I will say that it will have to be particularly cunning to evade authorities much longer. Roadblocks have been set up, the ports are being watched, a chopper circles above. It’s not impossible, but highly unlikely, that it will escape with its skin.
The original drawing has been long since spoken for, but as a token of my appreciation for your response, I humbly offer a printable 8×10 digital file of this particular piece.
