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Sullen Chicken Smokes And Gawks Into Empty Diner
I have an original drawing of a surly bird leering through a barren eatery window while puffing on a Marlboro Red.
Although this is already the fowl’s fifth fag, he doesn’t really like cigarettes… it’s just that anything beats the waiting game.
The Sullen Chicken Post
#1: Can't Change A Chicken
SUBJECT: Sullen Chicken Smokes And Gawks Into Empty Diner
Think that bird has a smoking problem. Ill take him in
MY REPLY:
This bird is riddled with issues, but smoking is fairly low on the list. In all probability, losing the nicotine vice would likely result in picking up another while it bides time in the dark, eye-stalking the eatery.
I’m not sure if you were just noting he had an issue with ciggies, or whether you thought there was something you could do. If the latter, I fear you’re on the slippery slope to a world of heartache and disappointment. It’s not that I don’t appreciate your optimism. It’s natural to help all kinds friend and fowl, but some lessons you just don’t want to learn the hard way.
Don’t ever try to change a chicken for the better- it’ll only change you for the worse.
Given its inability to do much other than smoke and skulk, I’ll understand if you change your mind. You were the first to respond, so the drawing is yours if you want it.
I’ll await your final, more-informed decision.
Well a vice is a vice is a vice is a vice. Ciggies or not, maybe an oral fixation stemming from not feeling loved or fed as an infant? I wonder, what is the obsession with the eatery? Is that where he met the love of his life? One can only imagine. Yea being helpful, its my nature. I’d still like to take him in. Nothing wrong with a little heartache.
It moves me that you have so closely examined the scene, to ask such wonderfully astute questions, and it is clear that you are a philosopher of all life; both human and chicken. Alas, there can be no answers, only speculation.
The chicken’s mood is the only clue, and yet it only begets more questions.
As an egg, was it incubated rather than warmed by the soothing maternal heat of a mother hen’s undercarriage, leading this chicken to harbor animosity toward artificial lighting ever since, a hostility so strong it is, at this very moment considering arson? Perhaps it has returned to its old hometown and found its birth coop demolished and replaced with an unpopular restaurant, and has resolved to stand there and starve rather than continue the rat race they call capitalism?
And just maybe you’re right. Maybe this is the anniversary where it fell in love with another poultry’s enchanting eyes from across the diner. Where they first shared a strawberry smoothie and laughter, slow danced to smooth jazz, and against the backdrop of a starlit night, held wings and pressed longing beaks. Maybe that chicken had found its soul mate; only to tragically lose its lover soon after to a nasty bout of Marek’s Disease.
These questions must be pondered over cold nights, while holding a lover’s hand or a stiff drink. Or maybe, just maybe, a Marlboro Red.
I believe your home is a fine place for this bird to roost, and for this I am grateful.
Oh yes. Observation is my literal middle name. Might as well take advantage of my keen vision, while I still have it. You are right, his mood truly presents more questions than it answers. Perhaps his life revolved around this diner. The only diner where he felt comfortable to be himself. A home field advantage if you will. Where he met the love of his life after a night of failed conquest.They made eye contact late one night and she asked him for a ciggy. They went outside smoked his last marlboro. Ironically it was his lucky. The last lucky he would ever have. Ahhh those chicken and the life they choose to live. A cold night in los angeles? Seems like an 80 degree day out here can be as cold as Everest sometimes. But with a shot of tequila and a stogie. All is solved. Well my address [redacted]
The Email Responses
#2: A Dog, A Flower, And Poo
SUBJECT: Sullen Chicken Smokes And Gawks Into Empty Diner
I love it, can I have the chicken?
MY REPLY:
These were the best of times, they were the worst of times.There were the times where a nicotine-addicted chicken drawing was available, and there is now.
You were but a skosh too late- someone has claimed the original drawing for their own.Yet swallow thy despair, sweet admirer of clucking peepers, for I offer three options to fill the void!
1) a hand drawn, reasonable facsimile of the original drawing
2) an 8×10 printable digital file of the original drawing
3) a digital sketch of an outlaw potato on the run
May one of these choices fill the void I have unwittingly created in your heart.
Option 2 and 3 sound like the most obvious choices. I’m the sullen chicken right about now smoking my cigarette next to my bacon hot dog with a tear in my eye, but the glimmer of hope you have given me by offering an amazing substitute. I appreciate your chicken and potato very much and if you need some pictures of my fat dog of shame wearing a bumble bee costume,
I would be more than happy to send you some.I send you this as a token of my deep appreciation.
Click here to see -->
What an apropos photo for our chance encounter! Such a splendid metaphor for how beautiful things can grow from the shittiest of circumstances.
Like the dog, I catch the scent of renewed life in you, and for this my insides feel full of glad.
Since you are torn between two equally enticing options, I have elected to send you a signed copy of option #2.
I have a site, www.joeyallgood.com , where I chronicle the best responses after offering bizarre sketches on Craigslist. It would be terrific if you could check it out and share with friends, either by Facebook, email blast, or carrier pigeon. Be careful with those last ones – they are rife with disease..
My mother said you must be my long lost brother. I must admit our fondness for the extraordinarily odd and beautiful is extremely similar. Not many understand that simplicity + imagination + silly = great art! I checked out your awesome pictures of hot dogs and onions in their natural state and I’m intrigued and also excited. I am excited to have found a theme for my silly room, where everything I love is on display. I hope besides buying your creations, I may be blessed enough to obtain an once in a lifetime original signed by the greatest artist I’ve come across thus far.
Short true story– last summer a friend of mine asked me to attend her girlfriends art show in Soho. Reluctantly I went, and I wasn’t wowed by the Mosquitos from holland that were glued onto post cards. I had a glass of wine in a plastic cup, drank it, walked out side with an empty cup and got a summons. That told me I wasn’t supposed to be there. That was not my cup of tea. I appreciate whatchu do and how you do it. And as a fan, I will be very happy to speak your name on the highest mountains and the lowest walls! Carrier pigeons will defecate on cars and people will say “wow that Joey is something!” Until we speak again.
Now I know how it feels when doves cry.
I don’t know if you know this about me, but flattery will get you absolutely everywhere.
You shall have an original sketch, and I hope it can capture the majesty of your reply.
What is your favorite thing, your favorite animal, and your favorite color?
A person like yourself, which is a giving, talented, sweet as sugar, kind soul lets me know that I’m not the only stranger out there to entertain other strangers and do things to make them smile. “Give an Asian an apple and let them stuff it with fish.”—that’s an ancient proverb that I just made up. I hope it helps you one day when your down.I was thinking very hard about my favorites, then suddenly as I was driving a lady runs from behind a parked car with her dog and if I was going a tad faster I would have hit her. I then said to my mom “I hope that wasn’t her seeing eye dog!” Lmfao then I says it would be quite amusing if she had a seeing eye fish that she carried around in a bowl!Why were in the car you ask? Where were we going? Well, we were going to the fruit store on [redacted] , to get some Brussel sprouts, then the topic of “when Brussel sprouts go bad” in turn I said I pictured one stabbing me and throwing ME in the oven!So to conclude this wonderful part of our thread, I love the color green, I adore chickens, piggys and any animal with disabilities and cheeseburgers. It’s not in my nature to take and not give so I’m going to send you something spectacular as well. And hopefully when I come up with my business plan for a store and or a restaurant we can work out something where your art is a staple to the joint.
I have finished your original sketch, hope you like it.
Click here to see -->
#3: A Hungry Chocolate Panda
SUBJECT: Sullen Chicken Smokes And Gawks Into Empty Diner
Is this still available?
MY REPLY:
I hope you’re sitting down because I have terrible news… the chicken has gone to roost in another’s home.
And yet, in the grip of despair, I humbly offer three options to curtail your sadness
1) a hand drawn, reasonable facsimile of the original
2) a printable 8×10 digital file of the original
3) a digital sketch of a chocolate panda eating its own hand
I hope one of these options can provide some small form of renumeration for the bad news.
That’s terrible! Well, thank you so much for getting back to me and offering such awesome alternatives.
After much deliberation, I think I’m gonna have to go with option 3, the chocolate panda eating its own hand.
As promised, a chocolate panda eating its own hand.It should be printable up to 8×10 without any loss in quality. Hope it’s everything you dreamed of and more.
Click to see -->
#4: A Sympathetic Soul
SUBJECT: Sullen Chicken Smokes And Gawks Into Empty Diner
I’m sure someone has already claimed this but I don’t think I have ever wanted anything so much in my life…because boy, I understand chicken, anything beats the waiting game.
MY REPLY:
While your empathy to this clucky fella’s plight is admirable, you are unfortunately right. This chicken has nested in arms of another.
But even as your world must be blighted by darkness in this moment, I offer a beacon of hope, with three options to bring light back into your world.
1) a hand drawn, reasonable facsimile of the original drawing
2) an 8×10 printable digital file of the original drawing
3) a digital sketch of famished unicorn devouring a rotary phone receiver
Come back into the light, I beckon. Fair child, come back into the light.
