#9: For The Gold
SUBJECT: Hot dog
I’m definitely interested in your sketch of a sketchy hot dog, if it hasn’t been claimed already. [address redacted]
First off, A+ on the double use of sketch/sketchy. You are a man among men.
Second, I must unfortunately tell you that the sketch is already going to another fortunate soul. I am willing to make a print copy of the original and send it your way.
I do plan on offering more original sketches in the coming days. Keep an eye out and you might just get lucky!
Thank you, I do strive to remain unpolluted by the world. I would love a print copy, if it wouldn’t trouble you unduly. May I ask, what drives you to give back to the community in this way?
THE GOLD!!!I…
I don’t even know what that meant.
Just thought it would be fun to offer something like this, and see what kind of response it gets from Craigslisters. I am chronicling some of the best responses on my website, www.joeyallgood.com.
The hotdog post is being edited and should be up within the next 15 minutes. If you check it out and enjoy it, consider sharing with friends who might also appreciate it.
This site is great and you're a great person.
#8: Desparate Times, Desparate Measures
SUBJECT: Suspicious Hotdog Burying Roll of Quarters by Redwood Tree (Sketch)
MUST HAVE ONE ….WILL GIVE HOT DOG GUY 1 complimentary slow jack w/ ball rub with a slight reach around if he teabags my autographed copy of the sketch
That is quite the remarkable (and explicit) offer.
The hotdog sketch’s destiny is to hang on the wall of another, who was quicker to respond. I will be offering more sketches in the future. With the combination of tenacity and good chance, you may yet find yourself holding an original work.
If this happens, I will happily autograph the piece, but my testicles will not descend upon it. I will also be declining any offers perform hand-based sexual favors, or any sexual favors for that matter.
To be frank, I am not the sort of person who barters doodles for diddles.
I was just puff on a puddle and came across you master piece and tho I too love vagina that I loved your wiener so much I considered taking one for the team but if I can get a picaso with out having to get my hands dirty creamy and abused even better
I concur.
I shudder to think of being responsible for someone struggling with self-worth issues for the rest of their lives over what is ostensibly a glorified scribble.
#7: Quarters, Coins, and Shit
SUBJECT: Suspicious Hotdog Burying Roll of Quarters by Redwood Tree (Sketch)
Is that a pile of quarters next to the hole? Or a pile of shit?
My Reply:
These are two admirable guesses, but that is neither a coin nor shit pile – it is a dirt pile.
Inferentially speaking, this seems obvious, as creating a hole would invariably displace approximately one hole’s worth of soil. The hotdog certainly seems to be in no mood to bother carrying each new shovelful “out of frame,” as it were.
Realistically speaking, my artistic skills are still in development, and I concede the “glob” is relatively ambiguous. As I continue to improve and strive to depict more representative heaps, please see the reference guide attached.
click to see -->
Now that makes sense. Keep up the good work
SUBJECT: Suspicious Hotdog Burying Roll of Quarters by Redwood Tree (Sketch)
I have a nice hotdog between my legs that you can autograph… let me know!!
An enticing offer, but I must regrettably decline.
Whatever dubious value the small pieces I offer online are worth, my autograph is all that maintains their integrity. I have no intention of compromising that integrity by scribbling my signature on someone else’s small piece.
#3: Hamburgers And Nickels
SUBJECT: Suspicious Hotdog Burying Roll of Quarters by Redwood Tree (Sketch)
I was in the market for a hamburger burying a roll of nickles next to a flowering dogwood. But it must have lettuce and tomatoe or I’m not interested.
Thank you
I regret to inform you that the free section of Craigslist is not a market. If I were to kowtow to such requests, I would quickly find myself on the treacherous path to doodling servitude.
As my apology must mean little, I have also provided an illustrative condolence as a token of my sincerity.
click to see -->
Hey,
click to see -->
HAHAHAH Best reply thus far!
#5: Birth of a Brontosaurus
SUBJECT: I would like that drawing very much
[address redacted] send me it and i might send you something back
Such an enticing offer, yet I must decline, as someone is already in possession of dibs. As recompense, I can send either:
1) a hand drawn re-creation to the best of my ability
2) a print of the original
3) a digital sketch of a pen starting to lose its patience while waiting in a long line
Hopefully one of these options will fill the void the original sketch left behind.
my friend. Do you really believe that any of those options could possibly compensate for such a masterpiece?
Nevertheless In defrence to you as an artist I shall bequeath my patronage onto you and request option 3
however if this so called other connoisseur in some strange twist of events were to receive the sketch intended for me… I doubt there would be much you could do about it.
Comprende
It is an unfortunate reality that anyone other than the first responder be doomed to abysmal news, and as I forced to dash hope after hope, I begin to ask if I’m still fighting the good fight.
I am saddened me that your options have left you wanting, and will offer you a new #3 in an effort to make things right. Namely, a brontosaurus sleeping soundly in a waffle cone.
You’re a genius. I accept your terms
As promised, here is a digital sketch of a brontosaurus sleeping inside of a waffle cone.
click to see -->
#4: Craigslist "Best of" Prophet
SUBJECT: CL best of for sure
Hey I tagged this CL best of I really like the uneasiness of this hot dog. How can I get an original?LOL
Thanks for tagging as CL Best of! That is quite kind of you.
You were very quick to respond, but unfortunately there was one set of hands just faster than yours.
As a consolation prize, I can:
1) hand draw a re-creation to the best of my ability.
2) Print out an exact duplicate
3) Send you a digital sketch of an onion trying to get a hair out of its mouth.
I will also be making more sketches available on Craigslist in the coming days. If you keep an eye out, you may just snag an original.
Awesome, that must be amazing with the onion.I would gladly accept and appreciate your time forthe consolation prize. I will definitely keep an eye out for more.
As promised, here is a digital sketch of an onion trying to get a hair out of its mouth.
click to see -->
That is great!!
HE WAS RIGHT!
SUBJECT: Suspicious Hotdog Burying Roll of Quarters by Redwood Tree (Sketch)
this would be perfect for my kids room!
please drop me a note if its still available
either way thank you so much for the generous offer
Unfortunately the sketch is gone.
However, given its ominous nature, I am not confident it belongs near children anyway. A closer inspection of its sausage-esque face reveals a terrifying truth; those eyes are windows into a dark, haunted soul. Displayed in a kid’s room, I suspect the sketch’s unsettling qualities are capable slowly eroding the psyche of any young, impressionable child.
While the original sketch is spoken for, I have usually offered to hand draw a re-creation or print a copy of the original. If you insist on one of these options, there will be slight modifications to lighten the scene.
However, given the fragility of the minds my work will be exposed to, I would be more comfortable creating a wholly original sketch based on your kid(s) favorite animal or food. Unless it happens to be a horse – I can’t draw them for shit.
While I am sorry the original is gone I appreciate your concern for the potential negative impact this reprobate wurst might have on my young children. I will say however, that the malevolent nature of the sausage in question is exactly what drew me to him. I am preparing my children for life in the real world and as such I think it is important they know that sausages of this ilk live amongst us so they may be appropriately prepared!
Thank you for your offer. I am sure they would love any original sketch of your creation but I believe it important that they not be spared the barbarous nature that exists, be it in people, sausages or other food products. Their names are [redacted]. Age 9 and 7 respectively. I provide that information so that you may know a bit about your target audience.
Thank you very much
Then surely you have cursed them into a bleak world of despair. Their agony will be severe, but they’ll have only their father to blame. When, not if, they come to me as adults, demanding atonement for the innocence stolen from them as a wee lad and ladess (word invented for gender neutrality) by this cursed illustration, I will defer to your email and the expose the horrifying truth of it all; that you wrought this suffering upon them. You invoked the albatross.
If you change your mind, as I sincerely hope, and burn your sketch upon receipt, I will gladly make a replacement. If you decide to hang it in the kids room, cursing their very existence, I would be grateful if you could send a photograph of them nervously smiling with it. The foreshadowing of forlorn days ahead will serve a stark reminder of the terrible burden I bear by placating the whims of madmen.
Sounds great! Feel free to sign it…they’d love that!
#1: Mounting A Hot Dog
SUBJECT: Suspicious Hotdog Burying Roll of Quarters by Redwood Tree (Sketch)
That hotdog is most excellent!
would you please please please send it to [address redacted] and of course it deserves an autograph, if not too much trouble.
I’m going to frame it.
MY REPLY:
Congratulations! Your lightning-fast reflexes have earned you a most-coveted prize (three people have already contacted me since you).
If you decide to frame it, I would very much enjoy a picture of it mounted on your wall.
CLICK TO BIGGIFY
Suspicious Hotdog Burying Roll of Quarters by Redwood Tree (Sketch)
I have one rough sketch of a suspect hotdog preparing to place a roll of quarters in a freshly-dug hole, next to a California redwood. The hotdog seems resolute in his task, but there’s a definite uneasiness in the air. See picture for a better idea of what you’ll be receiving.
Send address for prompt delivery. Can autograph upon request.
The Suspicious Hot Dog Post
The Email Responses
