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Strawberry Stargazes With Doggy
A berry stares into the cosmos while cuddling with its canine companion.
A falling star streaks across the night sky as they sit together watching, and yet neither has a wish in the world.
Hand-signed by me.
The Stargazing Strawberry Post
#1: Nanna Nabs A Midnight Gift
SUBJECT: Framed 8.5 x 11 Print- Strawberry Stargazes With Doggy
Greetings, just saw your post, my 10 yr. old granddaughter would adore having that in her room, so original ! please call me at [redacted], I can pick up at your convenience; thanks kindly
My Reply:
You were right on top of this little fella! What were you doing in the Craigslist free section so late at night? Kudos, you creepy freak!
Your 10 year old granddaughter shall own this sketch, due solely to the wickedly-quick fingers of her nimble, insomniac grandmother.
Congrats to you, and her! And me! And America! WOOOOO! AMERICA!
How would you like to go about picking this up?
LOLS, you’re quite the expressive writer. ! Anyway, I’m in [redacted], so, it shall have to be Monday(I PROMISE)what is a convenient time for you ? also, please send me your address, so that I may TripPlan it;
thanks most kindly ! ,
a native NYer grandma who’s used to a 24/ 7 lifestyle…and [redacted](granddaughter age 9, as well)
Why thank ya, [wrong name] (I know that's not your name but it was funner to say. I also know funner isn’t a word, but I like it morer).
Do you travel by subway at all? I have to visit particular stops pretty often. If you want to make it SUPER easy on me, we can meet in a coffee shop around [redacted].
I hope you and your variably-aged granddaughter enjoy this print just HALF as much as I enjoy eating couch cushion crumbs. Please don’t judge me.
Well, 2 things: nobody is judging you, don’t be ashamed of exuberance, secondly, [redacted] is quite far from me, as I am in [redacted].
Shoot, now I’m ashamed at feeling judged for feeling judged!!! WHEN WILL THE VICIOUS CYCLE END?!?
#2: Cover The Tiny Nudists
SUBJECT: Framed 8.5 x 11 Print- Strawberry Stargazes With Doggy
That’s cute and adorable. I am in the business to make others ‘ dream true, so I can hang it in my office. Pls add me to your waiting list.
Thanks!
My Reply:
You make others’ dreams come true?
My best three guesses are that you’re either the Make-A-Wish Foundation CEO, a manufacturer of genie lamps, or just a talking liar cat.
Also, congrats! You’re on the waitlist.
I didn’t say I make everyone’s dream true, but I do it for a very small group who are prepared for opportunities that fit. :)
Thanks for signing me up. Do u have a website for your other works?
Hmmmm….Very small group of people…Opportunities that fit…I’VE GOT IT! You make free clothes for little people!
Yes, I will certainly support that venture! You have moved from the waitlist to the front of the line!
no wonder u r an artist, very imaginative. Why don’t u just say I’m a shoemaker for Cinderella? U cracked me up…I work at [redacted]. Take one more stop next time, and we can have a coffee break :)
Thanks for the VIP priority treatment!
To be honest, I was giving the VIP treatment when I thought you were catering to midgets and dwarves, but what’s done is done.
Coffee sounds great! How does tomorrow at [redacted] sound?
Sorry, have meeting then. Maybe later. :）unlike u free spirit artist, our work are pretty time sensitive…
If you have an idea of your schedule over the next couple days, let me know. If it’s too hard to tell ahead of time (we’re both aware that naked little people show up when you’re least suspecting), I can just drop the print off where you work.
Sure! I’ll have to meet u!
I didn’t expect VIP service covers door to door delivery by artist himself. I feel spoiled. Coffee is definitely on me :)
Will schedule with u later tomorrow. Thx so much!
Oh geez, now who’s the VIP?
(does a happy dance)
Sounds good.
Looking forward to meeting you as well.
#3: Your Muffins Aren't Safe
SUBJECT: (No Subject)
Hello, this print is great is it still available? ty
My Reply:
While someone has already secured the framed version, I do have another, frameless version available.
If it’s any consolation, that frame was cursed and caused several of my wife’s blueberry muffins to disappear while I was home alone with them.
ummm ….. so is the uncursed, unframed print available? I like your work…
Absolutely! Although I am not responsible for any missing baked goods in the event it’s the prints that are haunted.
not much of a baker how does one pick up the haunted prints? does it involve a trip by subway to the city from [redacted]?
Your food stash SHOULD be safe then, but again, no promises…I live closest to [redacted], but can meet along the line somewhere.
let me know I can drive there… is it free??? txs.
Yes, absolutely free.
Minus anything it eats in your home.
#4: The Fickle Hand of Fate
SUBJECT: Framed 8.5 x 11 Print- Strawberry Stargazes With Doggy
Will like to pick the frame
Like it!!
Let me know soon
Can come today itself
Thanks for giving :)
My Reply:
Unfortunately, I can no longer give the framed print, as it has been claimed by a presumably wonderful grandmother giving it to her granddaughter. Who knows, maybe the girl is terrified of dogs and strawberries and this is simply Nana’s revenge. Regardless, it is now hers to treat (or terrify) this young child, and we must live in the aftermath.
Oh, vile Fate! Why hast though tempted thine eyes with such illustrious scribblings, if only to wrench it from thine fleeting grasp?
Cursed, wretched Fate! Thou is but a sinister seductress and an uber buttbrain!
Well, that felt good, but… I’m still not satisfied.Let’s try something else:
1) I can give you another, frameless print
2) I will draw you a crow learning to play the bass (guitar, not fish)
#5: Broken Keyboard
SUBJECT: Framed 8.5 x 11 Print- Strawberry Stargazes With Doggy
Hello,
In response to your ad on craigslist-I would love to pick this up tomorrow from you. Amazing print! I can pick uo in evening, please lwt me kniw what works with you.
Thank you and i look forward to hearing back from you.
My Reply:
Why hello!
Thank you for the compliment regarding my print!
Unfortunately, a grandmother has already beaten you to the punch and glugged it all straight from the bowl. The music stopped, the crowd gawked, then everyone broke into applause.
It was glorious.
That said, I can give you a frame-less print. If you were only in it for the frame… IKEA sells them for like a nickel.
If you don’t have a nickel, sell the thing you’re typing on for a nickel. I think the keyboard’s busted anyway.
#6: The Virtues of Juicing Rainbows
SUBJECT: Framed 8.5 x 11 Print- Strawberry Stargazes With Doggy
i would like to pick this up if still available. Thank you so much.
[name redacted]
My Reply:
First off, just saying your name is fun, so thank the folks who named you. They did a bang up job.
Secondly, the framed print is gone. However, I recently captured a rainbow and stuffed it into my printer, so now I have an infinite supply of ink!
This means I can print off another, assuming you’re cool with decorating your wall with a piece of paper covered in rainbow blood.*
*no rainbows were harmed in the making of this lie.
The Email Responses
